Becoming an Adult: Lessons Learned

Back in December, I turned 25.

I realized that I'm halfway to 50, and that based on United States life expectancy rates, I've lived out nearly a quarter of my life.

Okay, so I'm still young. I get that. But life is so precious. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Time flies.

Lately, I've been reflecting on my life, and how far I've come since I was a freedom-seeking, rebellious teen only 10 years ago.

I started thinking about what I've learned over the years and how I've changed as a result. There are many different life lessons that played a role in my "growing up."

You have to earn the "good stuff" in life.
Believe it or not, as a teen, I assumed that I could make $10 an hour, and with it get an apartment, buy a car, pay my bills, eat steak and potatoes every night, and still manage to save money to spontaneously move to California. I had big dreams, to say the least, but I thought that I could get there with little effort, and I soon learned that I was totally wrong.

Respect, wealth, fame--it doesn't matter what it is--you have to earn it. Even if you are a privileged child growing up with everything you want and need, it does not secure respect from others. In order to garner true, honest respect--which is more valuable than thousands of people who know your name--you must earn it with hard work and dedication. Even if you come from a prestigious family and receive a free scholarship to Harvard, you won't earn a degree without studying and working hard to earn it.

The life you want must be earned.

It doesn't matter what people think.
Okay, I suppose it does matter if a potential employer thinks you're good at what you do, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the general opinions of others.

From my preteen years and on, I was overweight. At school, I was often teased by other classmates, and even though no true harm was meant, it really hurt me. Everyone used to tell me, "Oh, don't worry about what everyone else thinks," but as a teenager and even in my early adult years, it just didn't register with me. I did care. Unfortunately, this led to many missed opportunities in my life.

Thankfully, as I grew older, I soon realized that opinions are everywhere and I no longer let them rule my life. What random people thought of me was totally irrelevant. Today, I wear what I want. I do what I want. I like what I like without regret. I don't care what you think, or what the next guy thinks. I am who I am and I accept myself wholeheartedly.

You can't control your relationships.
From family relationships to romantic relationships, and everything in between, you can not control any of them. You can try, of course, but it will only lead to frustration and possibly even heartache.

Throughout my relationship with my husband, I struggled with jealousy. I felt as if everyone was a threat to my relationship. This was partly due to my lack of acceptance and love for myself at the time. To remedy the situation, I tried to control it. I searched for evidence that I was being wronged. I tried to find out every little detail about my husband's day. I was miserable, and at the same time, I was making him miserable as well.

I spent years working on improving myself once I realized how bad things had become. I learned to let go. I learned that we cannot control how others feel about us. The only thing we can control are our own lives. Today, I no longer jeopardize my happiness or the happiness of others due to my inability to control a situation.


Children change everything.
The very first time I held my son in my arms, I fell in love. My perspective on the world changed within seconds. I learned more about the world in the first five years of my son's life than I learned in the first 15 of my own.

Once you have a child (and in my case, two children), time begins moving faster until you finally understand what Albert Einstein was talking about: time truly is a persistent illusion.

Date night turns into family night. Horror movie marathons turn into Disney movie marathons. A trip to your favorite restaurant turns into a trip to the McDonald's play place. And before you know it, elementary school turns to middle school. Middle school leads to high school. High school leads to college, and in the blink of an eye, your precious babies are full-grown adults, moving out of the home to start lives of their own.

You'll experience many joys and many frustrations on your journey as a parent, but the one thing that stays the same is your admiration for them. From the wrinkles in their toes to the squeak in the sound of their laughter, you will never love another the way you love your own children.

A six year difference.

 A one year difference.

 



The perfect man does not exist, but the perfect man for you does.
It took many negative relationships and flings before I realized that I was settling for companionship instead of love. I finally stopped searching for the perfect guy and sure enough, he ended up right in front of my face.

We've been together for 8 years.

I assure you, your prince charming is out there, albeit he may not be riding the beautiful, white horse in your dreams.

Stop looking for the guy with the biggest wallet or the one wearing the most expensive suit and tie. Stop caring about the fanciest car or the highest penthouse. Even if your "perfect guy" has some of those things, it's not who he is. Your "perfect man" is the one who makes you happy no matter how upset you are. He sees past your physical body, deeply into your soul. He loves you despite your faults, and loves you because of them as well.

Yes. He is out there, but to find him, you must recognize the beauty in yourself as well.



The most important lesson that I've learned is that life is short. I've lost many close family members over the past few years, and I've started to appreciate the little things in life. Spend quality time with your family whenever you can. Call off of work every now and then. Be spontaneous every once in awhile. And more importantly, always tell the ones you love that you love them.